Brown Rice Risotto with Mushrooms, Asparagus & PAIN

Submitted by: A Facebook user
I don't know why I had a hankering for this, I don't like risotto. I think it must have really been a manifestation of my hankering for KNOWLEDGE - can you make risotto out of brown rice? Well, can you?

PAUSE FOR DRAMA.

Serves: Two

Preparation time:
Cooking time:

Dietary guidance: v 

Tags: asparagus · rice · risotto · mushroom · brown ·

Ingredients

... The answer is - in the same same sense that yes, the solar system in its entirety will eventually crash into the sun - that brown rice can eventually be made into risotto. Take that, rice. Anyway. Ingredients.

Brown rice. I used my usual long grain stuff, and it nearly killed me. Use a shorter grain if you value your triceps.
Mushrooms. I used the generic no-species sort, because they're going to practically disintegrate in any case, but it might be nice to use some wild ones after the risotto has cooked.
Half a large onion, though shallots may be nicer.
Vegetable stock.
Red wine.
Asparagus.
Parmesan.
Butter.
Walnut or truffle oil.

... I don't like measurements. If you like mushrooms, use a lot of mushrooms. If you like parmesan, use a lot of parmesan. If you like hog anus, have a kebab. Etc.

Method

OKAY.

1. Sauté finely chopped onion in butter or oil until transclucent. Add broken up mushrooms. When mushrooms are a little bit shrunken, add the rice and toss about in the oil until coated.
2. Add stock, a ladel at a time. simmer and stir. Repeat as stock is absorbed.
3. Stir.
4. Stir.
5. Stir.
6. Think "to shit with this" and set stove to "kill".
7. Stir.
8. At this point I ran out of stock and started adding water in ladelfuls from the pan full of asparagus, which incidentally you should have put in to simmer at around point 6.5. I don't know if this does anything much for the flavour, but hey, vegetable vitamin water.
9. Stir. When rice looks like risotto and your arm really hurts, add a splash of red wine, parmesan and seasoning. Serve - not sever, which is what I just wrote - over asparagus with a smidge of walnut or truffle oil.

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