... The answer is - in the same same sense that yes, the solar system in its entirety will eventually crash into the sun - that brown rice can eventually be made into risotto. Take that, rice. Anyway. Ingredients.
Brown rice. I used my usual long grain stuff, and it nearly killed me. Use a shorter grain if you value your triceps.
Mushrooms. I used the generic no-species sort, because they're going to practically disintegrate in any case, but it might be nice to use some wild ones after the risotto has cooked.
Half a large onion, though shallots may be nicer.
Walnut or truffle oil.
... I don't like measurements. If you like mushrooms, use a lot of mushrooms. If you like parmesan, use a lot of parmesan. If you like hog anus, have a kebab. Etc.
1. Sauté finely chopped onion in butter or oil until transclucent. Add broken up mushrooms. When mushrooms are a little bit shrunken, add the rice and toss about in the oil until coated.
2. Add stock, a ladel at a time. simmer and stir. Repeat as stock is absorbed.
6. Think "to shit with this" and set stove to "kill".
8. At this point I ran out of stock and started adding water in ladelfuls from the pan full of asparagus, which incidentally you should have put in to simmer at around point 6.5. I don't know if this does anything much for the flavour, but hey, vegetable vitamin water.
9. Stir. When rice looks like risotto and your arm really hurts, add a splash of red wine, parmesan and seasoning. Serve - not sever, which is what I just wrote - over asparagus with a smidge of walnut or truffle oil.